Remember the last time someone hurt you badly? How did you react?
What did you go through and for how long?
You may still have the same emotions when you think about this event, even though this might have happened many years ago.
Why are we unable to let go of the pain and the anger?
Why do we still hurt so much?
Without proper closure, this hurt can fester and become more and more toxic inside us. Most times, closure would mean a graphic and detailed revenge for the hurt received, isn't it? Or at least, one would hope that this happens.
But even revenge cannot heal the hurt properly, unless we choose to let this hurt go from within us.
How can we let go of the hurt and resentful feelings?
Forgiveness is the answer.
When we forgive whole-heartedly and let go of the feelings that fester within us, we get released from the pain and the hurt and are able to heal.
But how can you learn to really and truly forgive others?
There are many methodologies used to forgive others and yourself too. Remember, most times, we are our own worst critics and can hurt ourselves very badly.
Whoever you need to forgive, you can use this simple but very effective technique to forgive the person.
Write a letter to the person you need to forgive. Remember you are not going to send this, but just destroy it.
But before you write the letter, list out the following for your own understanding.
What emotions and memories are you struggling to let go of? Describe the thoughts or past actions associated with your negative emotions. What was said or done specifically and who was involved?
Take ownership of the consequences. Accept that the painful outcomes are now yours to deal with. You are the one who needs to deal with the pain and suffering.
Who is responsible? Decide whose fault it was. You may feel that a particular person is at fault, that you are at fault, or that nobody at all is accountable.
How will you address the consequences? What do you choose to do about the outcomes you described above? How might you correct or amend your current situation? If that’s not possible, how might you make it better?
Commit to forgiving.
Make a conscious decision to forgive whomever you feel is responsible. If someone else is responsible for your hurt, try seeing things from their perspective.
Now write a detailed letter to the person you need to forgive, detailing the event, the consequences, how it made you feel and your decision to take ownership of your emotions and letting go of the past.
Gracefully forgive the person and absolve him or her of any responsibility for the way you felt so far.
Mean what you write and feel the absolution within you.
Have you at any time behaved similarly with someone else? Do you need to seek forgiveness from that person? You can forgive yourself for the same.
We cannot change the past. However, we can and should take charge of the present to protect our future.